Putting to death the flesh.

Lately I've had this strong urge to go to the East coast. I think it started this past weekend. I noticed that I've racked up enough credit card miles to earn myself a free trip in the U.S/Canada. Funny to say that I "earned" my trip. I guess it's the American way to spend.

There are a number of reasons why I'd love to go out East. First, I've been wanting to check out this church in Times Square... Times Square Church. I've heard that God's spirit is really there and I've really been longing to be in a place where God is moving. 

I also have some family out there. My cousin is from Connecticut and I'd love to go see her and the rest of the family. She did an awesome job photographing my wedding and I've enjoyed getting to know her better. I'd really love to spend some time with them. 

I've never been to NYC. I've been to Boston, but not NYC. I want to see all the sights. The Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, Times Square, New Yankee Stadium, etc. etc. etc. I've been to a lot of places, but NYC is one place I really desire to go to.

However, right now it just feels like it's not a good time. For as many reasons I can think of to go, I can think of more not to go at this time. With my wife's and my job in jeopardy, we really don't know what to expect for next school year. Many people we know are struggling financially and it just seems awkward to be taking off across the country. We'd still be spending some significant cash.

I actually fasted for the first time in my life on Monday. I had no sub job for the day, so I had some time on my hands. No real burning reason to, other than to just devote some time to the Lord and trying it. I made it through the day and had a good time in prayer, reading the word and worshipping. I never get to devote an entire day to God.

Anyhow, while there were no spiritual revelations or direct words from the Lord, I actually did feel some peace about going out east. I didn't feel anything alarming me to stop. But after giving it some more time and thought, I began to think about why am I doing this. Other than visiting family, the other reasons were mainly selfish. Going back to last year, I went to Hawaii for my Honeymoon; Ottawa, Canada for a hockey trip, and the east coast would be my 3rd trip in the year. 

Still, I found reasons to convince myself that it would be ok; I deserve it after a long school year. The traveling will be relatively inexpensive; with the way things are going, who knows when I'll be able to take a trip to the east again? For the last 2 days, I've had a battle within me whether to go or not.

Then tonight, I actually began to think about why I fasted on Monday. What purpose? To appease God? To bribe Him into doing whatever I ask? 

I realized that the purpose of fasting is to deny one's fleshly desires and rely on God for strength. To be in union with God's spirit. I realized that fasting doesn't just mean not eating. It means sacrificing what your flesh craves for the sake of strengthening the spirit. 

I believe God left the decision to go to the east totally up to me. It would be so easy if God said, "No, do not go." or "Yes, I support you in going." What I do believe is that by fasting on a trip to the east coast would be denying my strong fleshly desire. 

I had no previous calling from God to go, so my reasons for going would be strictly fleshly. While it would not be sinful to go on this trip, it would be training my spirit and putting my fleshly desires to death; to ultimately experience union with God's spirit.

Hopefully I will someday make it out to the east coast to see my family, NYC and Times Square Church. I don't even think I have to have a wedding, funeral or other major event for me to go. But I just feel that now is not the time.